Moral lessons and missing identities

I think some of the best shows on television have been cancelled prematurely. Some of these shows go on to be somewhat of cult classics (My So-called Life, Freaks and Geeks) and some of them were just horrendous and never deserved to receive air-time in the first place. And then there are those that are gems that just got lost and forgotten in the mix.

One such of these types of shows was one of my personal favorites, Samantha Who? which ran two seasons before having the plug pulled.

Starring Christina Applegate, the show is about a woman, Samantha Newly, who wakes up from an eight-day coma with no memory of anything that happened before getting run over by a car, including forgetting her semi-crazy parents (Jean Smart and Kevin Dunn) who she hasn't spoken to in two years, her live-in (ex)boyfriend Todd (Barry Watson), and two best friends, Andrea and Dena (Jennifer Esposito and Melissa McCarthy, respectively). The more memories she reveals about herself, the less she likes the person she was before the accident and the more she tries to make herself a better, reformed woman.

 What made this show so great was that each episode outdid the last one. Every time you thought that Samantha couldn't possibly discover anything worse about herself than what she had already discovered, she did. From helping her mother dump her father's car into a lake to sabotaging her best friend's relationships to causing the extinction of a species of butterfly, there was no stone left unturned by her in her evil path. And every time the "new" and improved Samantha tried to make things better, she, of course, made them much worse in the appropriate comedic fashion.

There were, of course, times when the show made cheap, slapstick type of jokes, but it never felt like they had to put on the "clap" sign for the audience to get a sympathy laugh, so I can overlook the occasional cringe factor. Most of the time, it was witty and engaging to watch her discover all these terrible things about herself, mostly because it isn't me who has amnesia, and it isn't me who didn't pass along the message about the job interview to my boyfriend in order to go on vacation. This show is made for people like me who enjoy watching other people mess up their lives and basking in the simple joy that at least it isn't happening to me.

 The only gripe that I have with the show is that it's riddled with underlying moral messages. And by "underlying", I mean in-your-face obvious moral messages that are revealed to the audience by the completely unnecessary voice-over narration. I have never been a fan of narration, I think there are better ways to tell a story, but as far as this show is concerned, the narration isn't too annoying most of the time. And at least there are good-looking men (Barry Watson has grown up a lot since his Seventh Heaven days) to combat the fact that the show was about a woman trying her hardest to take the moral highroad after thirty years of taking advantage of everyone she encountered. I only wish that we didn't have to take the highroad with her every episode.

Overall, Samantha Who? is a fun, quirky little show that entertains and teaches

 

Me, myself, and I

In honor of yesterday, my roommate Leah and I hosted an "I hate Valentine's Day" potluck at our apartment and, of course, watched Garry Marshall's Valentine's Day as a part of the festivities. And there was one scene that actually made me stop and think. One character insightfully said: "When you love someone, you love ALL of them. Not just the good parts, but the bad ones too." It's a wonderful sentiment, and a particularly optimistic one, but it's completely untrue for me. I find one reason to hate someone and let that eat away at me until there's nothing left. And I hate that about myself. I always tell myself when I meet someone new that I'm not going to do it, but I find that once we've stopped speaking that I did do it without realizing that I was. And then I say that at least I'm self-aware. But what has that really gotten me?

All that being said, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. I was wrong.

I think it's important to know where your strengths lie and what your weaknesses are, and consciously try to improve on them. I think it may be the most important thing. Because no matter how many relationships you have in your life, you'll be with yourself the longest. And that's the one you really need to work on. So, in honor of Valentine's Day and the romance and couple-ness that goes along with it, I'm going to review myself.

In the words of the immortal Marilyn Monroe, "I'm selfish, impatient, and a little bit insecure."

As much as I love you, I love me more and I always will. The only thing I love more than myself is my cat, Clutch, and that's only because she doesn't need me. I'm independent to a flaw, or at least I want everyone to think that I am, but I'm also the loneliest person that I know. I get annoyed when you talk to me too much, and I get annoyed when you talk to me too little. I will never admit to you that my thoughts contradict each other.

I don't talk about my feelings and I don't want you to talk about yours. I won't tell you when something is wrong, but I will expect you to read my mind. I have an extremely short temper and tendencies towards the dramatic. I can be really unforgiving and a total bitch.

And now that you're all really turned off, let me try to think of the positives, which are a lot more difficult for me to talk about.

My memory is selective. In your favor. I may get mad and blow up at you with a laundry list of complaints, but the following day, week, month, year I will ALWAYS only remember the things I did wrong and the things you did right. You just have to wait out the anger.

I am shockingly, almost unbelievably undemanding. (Although some people may disagree with this one.) I can count the number of things I have asked boyfriends to do for me on my fingers and toes. That being said, if I do ask you do something and you don't, I will pout, sulk, yell, explode, and generally not be please with you. I may not like all the things you do, but I will never tell you not to do something. I hate making decisions, so I will go along with almost any idea you come up with. If you ask me to try something, I have to really not want to do it to say no. I will try to make you happy even if it makes me less so, relationships and friends alike.

Even if I am terrible in a relationship, I am a really good friend. I may talk until your ears bleed, but I'm also a good listener. I ask people how their day is because I honestly want to know. I may be a bitch, but I also care about people. If you lie, I will swear to it. If you need to hide a body, I will help you and not tell a soul. And I know how to take one for the team. If you have an annoying friend who needs to be kept company while you hit a cute guy/girl, I am your girl. I can smile and make nice with the best of them.

I know how to laugh at myself, and I do often. I can take a joke at my expense and I'm not easily offended. I love beer and sports, and I adore any cat, dog, fish, hedgehog, snake, or any other pet that you may have. Except spiders. A girl has to draw the line somewhere.

I tried to make it fairly balanced, but I'm starting to think that posting this is going to blacken my future love life considerably, but life is all about risks, right? And I've got to say, this is the most narcissistic thing I've ever done. It was kind of fun.

Happy day after Valentine's Day, everyone <3

February in Vermont: a joke review

So this semester I'm taking a Reviewing class and the first couple of weeks we had fairly serious conversations about the merit of Black Swan and what constitutes a "good" review, as well as what the reviewers responsibility is to the reader. So I was glad to take a step back from all that discussion and be able to write a fun review of last week's snow-mageddon. For those of you who don't live in the Burlington area, the snow was accompanied by Mass Hysteria and Canceling Classes the Night Before. Here's my review. Hope it makes you giggle as much as I did writing it.

Mother Nature Gets Back to her Roots and

Shows Winter in a Way That Will Dazzle

No one can say it's an easy job being Mother Nature. Controversial in the past, Mother Nature's work is often panned by critics for either playing it "too safe" or "revealing too much", but with last week's episode of February in Vermont, she struck the right balance between covert and obvious. I think it's safe to say that no one walked away from the episode disappointed.

February followed a storyline similar to those we've seen in the past--everything is very picturesque and quintessential until Snow enters the scene and begins to destroy the town Godzilla-style--but Mother Nature managed to both tone down the obviousness of Snow's attacks and yet bring  out a more forceful and assertive performance from Snow than we've seen in the past. It was refreshing to see the young actor actually act rather than puff out his chest and strut around to make himself known.

Snow really needed the success of February to bring back his career after a slew of failures, such as Christmas in June and I'm Going to Ruin Your Graduation Party, where he played in a supporting role so bad the critics said, "The only thing relevant that Snow will do in the future is keep the toilets clean for serious actors". But in his guest role in Wednesday's episode as a terrorist covering windshields and roads alike, he brought something new to familiar territory, and really dazzled in the role.

Mother Nature also brought something that was new and interesting for her. Her work with February has been limited to working with Ice and Temperature playing the role of Bitter Cold, so it was refreshing to see her take a step away from that and bring Snow in a guest role. Wednesday's episode was just what she needed to bring audience interest back to the show.

Mother Nature has been known for her use in visuals, most notably for her subtle use of color in last fall's mini-series, Autumn Leaves, but it was the simplicity of February that delighted and charmed audiences. It seems Nature has found her calling in keeping things one-toned and clean. It allowed her to focus her efforts on the more psychological side of the subject matter, which is where she really shines.

Audiences will love and relate to February in a way that hasn't been seen in a weather series in a long time. The last time we've seen one with such heart was in 1998's Rain Showers in July. February come onto the scene just in time to show audiences that weather series are still around and have fresh things to say. This series, and Wednesday's episode in particular, are worthy of being watched, especially if you are a fan of Snow's earlier work. This is his best performance to date. I wouldn't be surprised if Nature brought him back in a future episode.

There was an encore performance on Saturday evening for those of you who missed it during the premiere, and it was equally as satisfying the second time around.

My experiment with an experimental film

“And to the anonymous anatomical specimen—to the single still dreaming hair on his brow with its desires to disturb the wallpaper.”

With these words, the Brothers Quay "Rehearsals for Extinct Anatomies" begins and throws the viewer into a whirlwind world of dancing barcodes and bouncing balls. The 14 minute video begins by showing a grotesque "anatomy" attempting to rub away a hair on his forehead while his eyeball frantically looks around the room, keeping a watchful eye over all of the buzzing objects around him. Just as the hair pops off from his forehead, the orchestra of the objects begins and the story moves from a quirky little symphony of various objects to a statement about society.

The camera shifts into a darkly lit and ominous space where two figures, apparently struck with leprosy, are lounging. The man is laying in the bed while the woman leans against the wall rubbing her own forehead in imitation of the anatomy outside the door. As the story, and the orchestra, move forward to the climax and end of the video, the camera moves back and forth between the dark and well lit rooms, demonstrating the juxtaposition between the two sides.

The point that the Brothers Quay are trying to make in this short are unclear, of course, because that’s how these types of the “experimental” films go—they are designed to be purposely vague and make little sense. That being said, the point that I thought they were trying to make with the film was this: curiosity is something that controls us and turns us into something else. Let's walk through the "plot" again to illustrate my point.

The film opens with the grotesque anatomy rubbing at the stray hair on his temple. He is the god of this world; everything he does creates a reaction from all the other objects (and the lepers) in the room. If he had just left the hair alone, we would have seen a completely different short, full of puppies and meadows. But he just couldn’t leave it well enough alone because curiosity is a driving force in our lives. He had to keep going, and the consequences of his actions are shown through the woman in the room who is imitating his actions. Enough of those tired old tales about curiosity killing cats, the Brothers Quay are clearly showing the audience that it will give you leprosy.  Now, that’s a statement.

It has been my experience that experimental films try too hard to make statements, and this one was no exception. If you want to say that ugly, crazy-eyed creatures are gods that control our lives and that curiosity is going to give you an incurable, contagious disease, I am of the opinion that you should just say that instead of making a 14 minute video of string/wire people dancing around to some violin music. But maybe that’s just me.

Characters you love to hate and hate to love

In my opinion, a television series is made by the characters in it. Often times, it only takes one character to make me love it. Or, at the very least, continue to watch it. Call me easy to please, but I prefer to think of it as being loyal to my fictional soulmates. I have hated shows that I watched because I couldn't give up on my favorite character. So I thought it would be nice to kick off 2011 by paying homage to those selective few who have a special place in my heart. To you guys.

1) Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick) - Gossip Girl
I'll admit I only started watching Gossip Girl recently (11 days ago, in fact, while I was dog sitting), but it only took one episode to get me hooked to this conniving, manipulative, gorgeous piece of man. He kicked off his appearance in the pilot by making sexual reference to almost every girl in the cast of the show, and he's just gotten worse and worse every episode since (or the first season and a half that I've watched, at least). I love him because I can't believe the things he says and does to people. He knows what he wants and he'll stop at nothing to get it, no matter who he has to step on to get it. Perseverance is something I have a great deal of respect for. And, I love a man that doesn't waste his time pretending to be something that he's not. It's quite refreshing. If Chuck Bass were a real person, I would marry him, sexual references and all. So please, Chuck, don't change a thing about yourself.

2) Brian Kinney (Gale Harold) - Queer as Folk
Queer as Folk is my favorite television show of all time, but mainly because Brian Kinney was so irresistible. His motto was always that he believed in sex and not love, which is pretty much the opposite of what I believe in, but again, I can respect a man with values that he sticks to, and not believing in love is pretty much what characterized Brian throughout the series. He was opinionated and outspoken, and often he was a total asshole, but he was never really wrong. He called the other characters out on their bs and they remained his friends because of it. He didn't believe in apologizing or regretting anything, which is something I think everyone can gain a few things by believing in, as well.

3) Chris Keller (Christopher Meloni) - OZ
My mother raised me to love prison shows, and I learned to love them well from her. And if you're going to watch a show about prison, you want the characters to be really despicable. I do anyway. Keller was one such character. He fell in love with another man and because he loved him so much, he helped to break almost every bone in his body, and then somehow managed to get that guy to fall back in love with him. That 's charisma I can envy. He even got the nun to fall for his tricks, which is nothing short of genius. He was remarkable and I know there are people in the world just like him, which is remarkable, as well. He's certainly someone I would want on my side if I ended up in prison for some reason.

Basically, I could go on and on for days talking about characters I love in television shows, but no one compares to these three. They've made my television experience all the better with their presence. Let's see if they can be dethroned in 2011. Good luck, gentlemen. May the most dubious reign victorious.

Childhood just got a little less cuddly

Last weekend, I went to New York state with my parents and brother to go Christmas shopping at the outlets and while my brother and I were enjoying the pool at our hotel, we took a walk down Nostalgia Lane, and it made me realize that sets my childhood apart from a lot of other people I know.

When my brother and I were little (me a lot littler than him since he’s seven years older), our parents did not care what we watched. And I mean, did not care one bit. Their motto was that if we were old enough to turn on the channel or put in the movie, we were old enough to watch it. And in their mind, there was absolutely no distinction between an animated film and a cartoon. As a result, I have never seen Barney, Sesame Street, or Blue’s Clues. Even as a child I had good sense enough to watch something else.

Also as a result, I have an interesting collection of films that characterize my childhood. This is a list that I would like to share since it’s surprising to me that number of people who have never seen, or heard of, any of these films. And you really should watch them if you have not.

!) The Flight of Dragons
In a world where humanity is turning to logic over magic, Carolinus the green wizard decides to build a shield around the magical world to preserve it for all eternity. Ommendon the red wizard and Carolinus’ brother (and appropriately voiced by James Earl Jones) stands in his way, so Carolinus must call for a quest to steal Ommendon’s red crown and the source of his power. The quest is led by a man named Peter Dickinson (who is also the author of the book that the film is based on, and voiced by the late John Ritter), who is the first man to come from both worlds or science and magic. He is joined on his quest by a dragon, a knight, a forest elf, an undead world, and an archer in a series of delightful and horrific episodes that he must endure throughout his journey to face Ommendon.

(Peter Dicksons' first encounter with a dragon.)

2) The Last Unicorn
Alright, so I know a lot of people who are familiar with this film, but it is more than worth mentioning for those of you who are not. This is the tale of a unicorn who hears a rumor that a great bull had rounded up all the other unicorns and shepherded them into the sea, and she is the last. This leads her to leave the comfort of her forest and embark on a quest to find and rescue the others. Accompanied by a wizard who inadvertently turns her into a human and a forest thief’s wife who has lost all hope in the world, she must save the others before the bull entraps her too.

(The unicorns running from the red bull.)

3) Wizards
Similar to Flight of the Dragons in that it tackles a similar magic vs. technology theme, this is a tale set in a post-apocalyptic world where a wizard named Avatar must save the world from his evil twin brother, Blackwolf, who likes to confuse his enemies in battle by projecting films of Adolf Hitler speeches. Avatar is also joined by a promiscuous elf queen, a vengeful and short-tempered elf soldier, and an assassin named Peace who is struggling to break free of Blackwolf’s mental conditioning. This is definitely one of the more adult films that I watched as a child, and the message is much more powerful than I was able to handle as a child, but now that I’m older I have a much greater appreciation of the film I enjoyed so much as a child.

(The assassin, Peace.)

4) Watership Down
I’m going to assume that everyone has seen, read, or heard of this film. I think it’s safe to say that this is a movie that traumatized everyone’s childhood, but in case I’m wrong, I will say this: it’s about bunnies dying. Bunnies drowning, bunnies getting shot, dead dead bunnies. And there really isn’t anything else to say about it.

(Yes, this was the necessary photo.)

5) Dot and the Bunny
A mix of animation and live action footage (much to the vein of Wizards only far less disturbing in nature), this chronicles the tale of young Dot on her adventure through the Australian outback. Dot makes a promise to a mother kangaroo to find her lost joey, and an orphaned rabbit overhears this and pretends to be a kangaroo in order to get a mother. This is a much less violent and adult-content film than the others, but it does have a bittersweet quality to it: Dot can’t stand the bunny and tries to abandon it at every turn, and the rabbit is all alone having no parents or family of its own.

(Sorry this picture sucks, there wasn't a lot out there!)

So, as you can tell, I was pretty into quests as a child. I was also into obscure films that you can’t get on dvd now (but are well worth busting out the vhs player for), and that I probably shouldn’t have been watching as a child. Maybe it explains a fair amount about the person that I ended up becoming. Or maybe not. You decide.

Whatever you do, check these films out if you haven’t already seen them.

James Spader and forbidden treats

When I was a child, my mother forbid me from three things: watching Jaws anywhere but in a movie theatre, choosing vanilla ice cream when chocolate was an option, and watching anything found in my aunt’s movie collection. As a result, I have never seen Jaws, I always choose a twist creemee, and I have a strange infatuation with the movie Secretary. It was the one movie in my aunt’s collection that I would have watched had it not been forbidden (because my mother is a terrifying woman who I would still never dare to cross). I’ve had a crush on James Spader ever since I first watched Pretty in Pink. But I never really thought about the movie much because it seems pointless to think about something you can’t have.

The other day, however, I was in Border’s scavengering the movies with my friend, and I stumbled upon it in one of the aisles. Conveniently enough, I happened to be house-sitting for the director of my major for the week, and he happened to have Internet at his house, which meant I could find it online and not have to pay a cent for it. At a month away from twenty-one (23 days, actually), it seemed like it was finally time to experience something that was forbidden from me.

Let me start off by saying that my mother was in the right for forbidding me from it, and that being said, I think it was worth the wait. It wasn’t by any means the best film I’ve ever seen, but it did have personality. MTV was justified in nominating Maggie Gyllenhaal for “Breakthrough female performance” (but also probably justified in not giving it to her). It was a quirky little film about two people who were destined to find each other, and better off that they did. Throw in a little dominance/submission and the appropriate shame subplot to go along with it, and you have yourself a film. Having watched a less than crystal clear version illegally, I don’t feel the need to run out and buy my own copy, but it did leave a lasting impression on me. I wish everyone could find their match in such a way as the characters in the film did.

This leaves me to wonder what other treasures my aunt had in her collection…

Hello again, it's been a long time

I just recently moved into my very first apartment. As I was unpacking, I came across all the diaries that I’ve kept during my life. I had no idea where they came from, so like the child that I still am on the inside, I called my mother. The saint that she is had found them when she was packing up underneath my bed for me (I was too busy throwing a temper tantrum to my father, I’m sure), and she thought I might find them amusing. And amusing, they were.

So the day I moved into my apartment, instead of unpacking or doing anything in the realm of productive, I sat down and read through fifteen hardcover notebooks that were preserved with love in an old shoebox, and I reacquainted myself with my former self. It’s amazing the things I had forgotten. Crushes whose names I had long since spoken, people who seemed so important to me at the time, people I thought I couldn’t live without, people who were forgotten over time. I read those diaries and I felt I was meeting a whole new person. So, in honor of that person that I found, I am going to do something that I haven’t done since December 3, 2006: my top five’s.

I am not much for playing the “favorite” game anymore, but apparently I used to be. My favorites were all over the place in those pages. So, for old time’s sake, here I go:

Actors:
Russell Crowe
Vin Diesel
Mark Wahlberg
Christian Bale
Bradley Cooper

Movies:
All Over The Guy
Catch and Release
Heights
Labyrinth
The 24th Day

Books:
A Clockwork Orange – Anthony Burgess
A Separate Peace – John Knowles
Dear John – Nicholas Sparks
The Neverending Story – Michael Ende
Less Than Zero – Bret Easton Ellis

Songs:
Iris – The Goo Goo Dolls
Existentialism on Prom Night – Straylight Run
Undisclosed Desires – Muse
Wait – Something Corporate
Walking By – Something Corporate

TV Shows:
Queer as Folk
Dawson’s Creek
OZ
Heroes
Sex and the City

I just spent the last hour thinking up that list. The consensus I found was that my top three choices were always solid and easy to make, but then I started to get unsure as the list got more towards the bottom. This is why I avoid the “favorites” game—it’s so damn hard to just pick a couple things that I love.

I’m done school for the summer now so I plan to do a lot more writing. If any of you nine followers are still with me reading this thing, I can assure you that there will be less academic posts and more fun ones to come shortly. I, of course, don’t have the Internet at my new apartment, but I am working out a plan to sell my soul to the devil in order to check Facebook so I’ll be around.

<3