Capstone: summer plan

I must say that I was not expecting to have to update this blog anymore with Capstone thoughts, but since it seems that the blog, the Capstone, and I are going to be engaged in an academic three-way for a little while longer, I will try to make the best of the situation. That being said, I should give the update about what the hell it is I’m doing (because I have decided at long last).

As I said in my proposal, I have always avoided writing about myself. It makes me very, very vulnerable, which is something that I loathe being. But I made a promise to myself to make my Capstone challenging. To me, the best writing is the stuff that is hard to write. It’s the author’s bare bones on the page (or screen in the case of a blog). It’s standing naked in front of a room full of your closest friends and having them point out your flaws. I realized that the only way for me to become a better writer is to leave my comfort zone and write about things that I thought I never would. That’s why I’ve chosen to write my Capstone about my brother, whose drug addiction tore my whole world apart and destroyed my family.

Where I stand in my thinking about the Capstone is this: I need to start writing. Memories fade with time, and mine are no exception. I’ve kept a diary throughout my life, but I was careful never to mention my brother because I was afraid of my parents finding them and getting angry with me for writing it down. So as it stands right now, the only things I have about my brother’s addiction are the only that are in my head. So I really need to start jotting down notes and making a timeline of events before everything begins to blur together any more than it already has. There is one person, my closet friend, who knows all the tales and all the heartbreak that I have endured because of this, so she is the one to talk to about getting everything straight. That girl has a memory like an elephant, so I know she’ll be able to correct any mistakes that I may make in my timeline.

I also know that I need to talk to my parents about this Capstone before I’ve finished the thing and everyone in my senior Professional Writing program is reading this story, and it’s too late to tell them, or warn them, or whatever. Because if I write the honest truth, no one in my family is coming out clean. We are all guilty, and we will all be villainized in some way. I mentioned to my mother, off-handedly, once that I wanted to write my Capstone about my brother, and she simply said, “Absolutely not.” Case closed. I know I won’t ever get their approval, but I need to at least get them out of denial about me writing it. And I need to accept for myself that they don’t approve and probably won’t ever read it. Like I said before, the hardest things to write are the most worthwhile. (I hope.)

Once I get those two things out of the way, I know that I need to start tackling the list of resources that I made for myself in my proposal. They are mostly movies, which should be easy to watch given that I am dating the biggest movie buff I have ever met, who would be more than willing to sit down and watch a couple movies with me. (He might even (il)legally download for me.) I was asked an interesting question by one of the professors in charge of the Capstone: am I planning to make this story into a script? That is something that I need to consider, I guess. I had planned to write a standard non-fiction piece, but since I am watching so many movies to prepare for writing it, maybe I should write a script.

Basically I have a lot to figure out before I have to start writing this beast. But luckily, I have the entire summer to think about it before any actual work starts. So, I am going to take these next few months and plan out what I want to do. Maybe even make an outline of what it will look like. And I’ll see what happens from there.

Wish me luck. I’m going to need all that I can get.