The only reason I am even remotely excited to move back in with my parents: my apartment: a review

Sitting dead center in a swarm of fruit flies, I can't even make out the walls of my apartment enough to find the front door. Luckily, the hallway is so narrow that I can easily reach out and touch the wall regardless of where I am standing in the hall. I stumble my way into the bathroom only to discover that the light, which is cleverly hidden behind the mirror, has been haunted by the phantom in our apartment again, which doesn't  allow a light bulb to last more than a week before blowing. If hideous were a physical being, it would look like our bathroom. Our small, need-to-stand-on-the-toilet-to-shut-the-door bathroom that's trying to look cute with the pink vomited on the floors and walls, but just looks like it's trying too hard. A lot of people think that my roommate and I have destroyed the bathroom with our lack of cleanliness, but the mold in the shower is the product of years of neglect. No one could do that much damage in a year.

Exiting the bathroom, you'll notice that you're conveniently located in the kitchen, only it isn't convenient at all because who wants to be cooking a meal when their roommate is literally right beside you using the bathroom? That thought aside, the kitchen is well equipped with an Easy-Bake Oven sized oven that will surely make preparing a meal difficult despite the overwhelming growling in your stomach. You could always use the microwave you bought on sale at Kmart, but that generally causes a power shortage for the whole apartment, so it's probably easier to wait the hour longer than the box suggests to cook your food in the oven. Just don't expect to host Thanksgiving dinner at your place this year.

Leaving the kitchen, you're back in the way-too-narrow hallway, making your way to the bedrooms. You have two options here: the teeny tiny room with the built-in shelving complete with cow pattern and no lights, or the much larger bedroom where the heat doesn't work and the window has a terrible draft. Don't worry too much because both rooms are equally unappealing aesthetically and you won't want to walk around without shoes in either room. The choice really can be decided by the flip of a coin.

Last, and certainly least, you'll find yourself in the living room. The living room with the closets in it because the bedrooms are too small to house them, and the living room which could be a nice sized room if only the ceiling wasn't slanted in such a way that you can barely stand up. Tall people: proceed with caution. In the living room you will find our "dirty" coloring book wall and a poster of Barbie and Ken, which came with the apartment. The furniture is all Recycle North and stolen from Spinner, which adds a very homey Poor College kid vibe that both comforts and repulses.

The moral: when looking for apartments in Burlington, choose your apartment for the apartment, not for the price tag.